The other day I went to the doctor for a new patient visit. The doctor asked if I had eaten a big lunch and a little confused I said it was medium size. After that answer, he told me they would draw some blood in order to do some routine lab tests. I know that doesn’t sound like a big deal but getting my blood drawn without any warning kind of freaks me out. Not because I can’t stand the sight of blood or needles but because I had a poor encounter with getting my blood drawn once.

I had always been on the somewhat sane side of the family when it comes to medical procedures. My childhood memories of doctors offices are not plagued with fear but with laughter because I always thought it was so funny how much my sister would freakout if we had to get shots. Even my dad had trouble with needles, but I never really had an issue with shots or needles. I mean I didn’t love getting poked with a sharp metal object, but as long as I didn’t look at the needle, I was perfectly fine.

When Colby and I were living in Ketchikan, we heard about this company down the road from our house doing discounted blood work for a short period of time. Since neither of us had ever really had blood work done, we jumped on this opportunity. We called to schedule an appointment, and the woman told us to fast for 8-12 hours before they drew our blood. We had both been in a regular routine of fasting, so not a problem for us. It was a cold November morning when we woke up with empty bellies and headed to our appointment. As the misty, cool breeze hit my face, I snuggled into my big puffy coat and slipped on my Xtra Tuf rain boots (a staple when living in Alaska). When we were sitting in the waiting room, I remember asking Colby if he was nervous and he told me that he just gave blood a few weeks ago and its no big deal. When they called my name, I walked back to the room where they had me sit in one of the chairs made specifically for giving blood. The nurse asked me if I had  a problem giving blood and I told her I just can’t look at the needle and gave my head a little turn when she started to draw my blood. I must have over thought it because for some reason the needle was really hurting and I couldn’t distract myself from thinking about it. I tried reading the poster on the wall that described all the benefits of Vitamin D (something many people in Alaska are deficient in), but even the bright yellow sun with the cool shades couldn’t hold my attention.

This is when it started going downhill, I let the nurses know I was feeling lightheaded and one of them went to grab some water and a snack for me. I sipped the water while she dangled a granola bar in my face that I eventually turned down. I sat in that seat for a few minutes and started to feel better. Before they helped me up, one of the nurses asked if I came here with anyone. I told them my husband was in the waiting room. We started walking there and two steps in my vision started going blurry and my hearing became muffled. “I’m gonna pass out” was all I could get out before I started going limp. I only blacked out for a few seconds because when I came to, they had just gotten me on the ground and were trying to lay me on my side. The floor was as cold as the morning air and felt very refreshing, but I couldn’t help but ask if I was dying because when you hear people repeat “get her on her side” in a frantic voice, it never really means good things for the poor soul. Not long after the nurse assured me that I was not dying, Colby walked in to my basically lifeless body laying facedown in the middle of the room. Mr. positivity was not concerned that I was dying, but he did want to make sure I was okay. As I sat up and sipped the apple juice they gave me like a toddler that had just scraped their knee, the nurse asked Colby if he wanted to get his blood drawn while I’m recovering. Being the brave man that he is, he accepted.

They sat him down in that dreaded chair and began drawing his blood. I was sitting against the wall where I could not see them drawing his blood but I could hear the nurses talking to Colby. They were asking him some questions and then he asked for some juice. I actually thought he was joking, but one of the nurses told him they gave me the last one and left the room to go get more. I was still sitting down against the wall when I heard the nurse ask Colby a question. When I did not hear him answer, I thought it was a little rude, but I heard the nurse say “Colby?” and I turned to look at him. Right as my head turned to see my husband, he let out this enormous sneeze and his body went completely limp. Head and arms just dangling down. It was one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen. I immediately jumped up from the floor in a panic. I had no clue what to do but I needed to do something. The nurse also jumped into action calling for help. The nurse that went to retrieve more apple juice ran into the room and told me to sit back down before I pass out again. I am sure she saw the fear on my face and did not have time to tell me it was going to be okay. It took three nurses to move Colby to the floor and put his feet up in the air. He said when he came to, he was confused and had no clue what happened.

The two of us sat on the cold floor sipping juice and eating snacks for about 30 minutes until I felt well enough to drive us home. It was one of the most embarrassing and terrifying moments both Colby and I had experienced. We made a vow never to go back to the clinic again. We figured the nurses wouldn’t want to see us again anyways.

Ever since that event with getting my blood drawn, I have been extra cautious about it. So the other day, when I had no time to prepare for getting my blood drawn, I was nervous. But so much time had passed since that awful experience. I had been through so many blood draws with my pregnancy, but I made sure Colby was there every time just in case I passed out. I never did.

This time I was by myself. Colby had Remi and I couldn’t just call him to come sit with me. I had to do this on my own. I explained my fears to the nurse and she made sure I had some cold water and I put my feet up. She also said “Come on girl. You gave birth to a baby. You can do this. Show that little girl how strong her mama is.”

I made it through the needle poking and blood draw perfectly fine. I sat there and sipped my water just to make sure I was fine. Then I got in my car and drove home. I could not stop thinking about what the nurse said to me. She was totally right. I have a little girl who will start looking up to me. I don’t want to model a sense of fear for her. Fear of anything really. Needles. Spiders. The future. The whole worry of passing out at the doctors office came from one event that freaked me out. But it only happened once and I have survived plenty of other doctors visits.

What I want to model for my baby girl is that I was not alone that time I got my blood drawn. I was not alone in any of the hard, scary stuff I had to face. Even if other people were around, the person who matters most is the Holy Spirit. He has always been with me. Giving me the strength I need to get through the hard times.

That is what I want Remi to know. That she is not alone. The Holy Spirit is always there. After her first set of shots, we started telling her that she is big, strong, and brave. We just picked some adjectives that sounded good together, but that week I heard Joshua 1:9:

“Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is with you wherever you go.”

Then it clicked. Those three adjectives are commands from God. Well maybe not the whole big part, that is really just because she is a baby. But we are told to be strong and brave with the assurance that God will be with us.

I want to make sure I am modeling that verse for my daughter. I tell her to be big, strong, and brave all the time, but I have to remember to be that myself. I want to model trusting God to give me strength and being courageous to do what He calls me to.

It felt good to handle getting my blood drawn by myself, well with the help of the Holy Spirit. I am trying to remember in all of life’s struggles and unexpected moments that I can be big, strong, and brave because the Lord is with me wherever I go.